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La hipoteca

20 febrero, 2011

Lo de mi novia rusa no funcionó. Sin embargo, no cejo en mi empeño en conocer gente vía mail. Mis amigos dicen que no debo responder a todos los correos de gente desconocida, que es spam. Pero yo creo que no, que la gente es buena y nadie intentaría timarme vía internet.

Hoy os presento a mi amiga Chintana. Un buen día me envió un mail, preguntando si aún estaba interesado en la hipoteca que pedí. (Clic en las imágenes para ampliar. En los comentarios está todo traducido al castellano).

Esto, cuanto menos, es curioso. Yo nunca he pedido una hipoteca. De todas formas, decidí responder interesándome.

Poco después, me respondía lo siguiente.

La pobre intentaba ponerse en contacto conmigo telefónicamente, pero no lo conseguía. Es bastante comprensible, teniendo en cuenta que no le había dado mi número de teléfono. En seguida le contesté.

La pobre Chintana no quiere dar por perdido un potencial cliente, así que me responde de una manera muy cordial.

A lo que yo respondí:

Más de un mes después, sigo sin tener noticias de Chintana. Espero que no le haya pasado nada y podamos seguir adelante con el proceso de la hipoteca.

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A falta de Rusia

23 enero, 2011

Muchos me pedís que os informe sobre mi novia rusa. Bien: lo hemos dejado. Un buen día, dejó de contestarme. Curiosamente, el mismo día que se publicaba esta noticia. Así que, en principio, no creo que haya más correspondencia con mi novia.

Pero sigo trabajando en ello, buscando otras personas con las que entablar una amistad sana, vía email. Y para no perder el ritmo, decidí seguir un método similar con un amigo: Álvaro Carmona. Álvaro es guionista y cómico. Se le puede ver los viernes en el Teatre Llantiol, con su show ‘Perspectiva’.

Creé una cuenta de correo falsa, coincidiendo con la apertura de su nuevo blog Fantasmias, en el que cuelga dibujos protagonizados por fantasmas. Éste fue el primer mail:

J.D. para nimiascosasmin.

LO DE LOS FANTASMAS ESTÁ COPIADO, VERDAD?

Inmediatamente, él contestó:

Alvaro C. para usuario

No, ¿por qué? ¿Ya existía una cosa igual?

Álvaro tiene una obsesión (muy acertada) por no copiar nada, que todo su material sea original. Como intuí que podía agobiarse por el tema del presunto plagio, y borrar todos los dibujos, cambié un poco de táctica.

J.D. para Alvaro C.

AH NO, NO SE. ERA CURIOSIDAD.
TODO ESO SE TE OCURRE ATI? COMO LO HASCES? YO KIERO HACER UN BLOG DE RISAS. PERO NO SE ME OCURRE.

A partir de aquí, su interés decayó. Mandé tres correos que nunca me contestó:

J.D. para Alvaro C.

COnm lo de hacer monologos se triunfa con las tias?

J.D. para Alvaro C.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh

J.D. para Alvaro C.
Hoy voy a verte al teatro luego hablamos

Parecía que todo estaba perdido. No contestaba. Pero quiso el destino que, después de su actuación en el teatro, me comentara que entre el público había un tío que se reía muy fuerte, de manera bastante molesta, y que se había agobiado un poco, porque distraía a la gente. Así que en cuanto llegué a casa, le volví a mandar un mail.

J.D. para Alvaro C.
Ayer fui a verte, me parti, igual mw oistes reirme

Y, por fin, contestó al día siguiente.

Alvaro C. para usuario

Ah, ¿tú eras el de la risa peculiar?

J.D. para Alvaro C.
SSI TIOOOOO, ERA YO! JAJAJAJJAJAJA! HABER SI VUEELVO EL SABADO QUE VIENE, OTRA VEZ!! GRANDE! EOS ES LO QUE QUIERO HACER YO, DAME UN CONSEJO.

Nótese mi esfuerzo por parecer un Hoygan.

Alvaro C. para usuario

Bueno, hombre, no hace falta que vengas otra vez, si va a ser lo mismo. Espera un poco que me de tiempo a haber cambiado alguna cosilla.

¿Algún consejo? Pues trabajar y escribir mucho, mientras más escribas, mejor material generarás. No hay mucho más misterio que eso.

J.D. para Alvaro C.

No tio es que me mola bastante. Fijo que me rio igual que la primera vez,jaajajaja. valek, yo escribo esta semana a saco y el viernes te enseño los chistes a ver si te mola,n.

De Alvaro C. para usuario

Mejor mándame los chistes por correo, así los puedo mirar con más tranquilidad. Es que cuando acabo del teatro no estoy muy fino, la verdad.

J.D. para Alvaro C.

UN TES DE LA SUPER POP ES COMO LOSANTOS, PORQUE ES-COJO. (DE ESCOJER, Y DE QUE LOSANTGOS ES COJO).

Estoy especialmente orgulloso de este mail. Creo que es donde el personaje alcanza su cima, su punto álgido. Sin dejar de ser un Hoygan, de repente hace un chiste de mierda, pero para lo que venía siendo su forma de escribir y de razonar, no está tan mal.

Paralelamente, Álvaro me comentaba cada día lo que le estaba pasando: “El loco de la risa del teatro me está mandando mails, me da un poco de miedo, es bastante pesado…”. Yo le iba dando coba para que siguiera respondiendo: “Bah, simplemente es un fan. Deberías contestarle, y decirle algo sobre el chiste que te ha mandado”.

Esa misma noche, me comentó Álvaro que estaba un poco agobiado, porque alguien había hecho unos vídeos sobre su espectáculo y los había colgado en Facebook. Unos vídeos que, por decirlo de alguna manera, no reflejaban bien su show. Yo no estoy de acuerdo, eran unos vídeos maravillosos. Podéis verlos aquí y aquí.

Aproveché eso para mandarle otro mail:

J.D. para Alvaro C.

TE HA MOLAO O KE?
POR CIWERTO NEN, EL VIDEO DEL FACE MOLA! ENTRAN GANAAS DEVER TU MONOLOGO OTRA VEZ

Otra vez estaba en un punto muerto. Álvaro no contestaba. Tenía que sacar la artillería pesada. Por un lado, quería que valorara el chiste que le había mandado. Por otro, quería aumentar la psicosis, darle un punto más loco al fan. Así que recordé que este lunes, después de bastante tiempo, Álvaro vuelve a aparecer en Buenafuente, actuando. Como siempre que sale en el programa, estaba muy nervioso. Así que decidí jugar por ahí.

J.D. para Alvaro C.

tE MOLA O NO? A MI ME MOLA. A TI?
EL VIERNES VOVLI A IR AL TEATRE NEU A VERTE, ME REI UN MONTONAZO OTRA VEZ.
EL LUNES VOY A BUENAFUENTE DE PUBLICO, SI ESTAS POR AHÍ PASA A SALUDAR NEN.

Y ahí ya lo rompí. Álvaro leyó el correo mientras estábamos cenando por ahí. Se agobió mucho. No quería que con su risa escandalosa, este tío le boicoteara su primera actuación en Buenafuente en mucho tiempo. Barajó la idea de llamar a la encargada de público para que le prohibiera la entrada. Y ahí me di cuenta de que tenía que acabar la broma.

Saqué mi teléfono móvil, le hice una foto en pleno agobio, y salí a fumar. Desde la calle, le envié este último mail.

J.D. para Alvaro C.
Subject: TE MATO

Y así acabó la historia de J.D. y Álvaro. Él ha prometido venganza, así que quizá haya una segunda parte de toda esta historia.

Por mi parte, pienso seguir jugueteando con cuentas de correo falsas, y spam. De esto, seguro, también os seguiré informando.

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La fórmula de la Coca Cola

13 diciembre, 2010

Me voy a poner un poco serio. Sólo un poco. Porque hoy nace un proyecto que me hace mucha ilusión, por dos motivos. Primero, porque es un proyecto que he parido junto a Álvaro Carmona, que creo que es uno de los mejores cómicos y guionistas que hay actualmente. Segundo, porque hemos conseguido “engañar” a una serie de personas a las que admiramos profundamente. A saber: Berto Romero, El Mundo Today, José A. Pérez, Miguel Noguera, Venga Monjas y Antonio Castelo. El puto dream team del humor.

El proyecto se llama La Fórmula de la Coca Cola y es, básicamente, un consultorio. Vosotros hacéis preguntas,nosotros las contestamos. Cada semana, uno de los “expertos” responderá una tanda de preguntas. Una cosa es segura: viendo el estilo y el humor tan variado de cada uno, van a haber muchas risas.

Os invito a que entréis a la web, curioseéis y enviéis vuestra pregunta. El primero en responder será Álvaro Carmona. También podéis seguirnos vía Twitter, o vía Facebook.

Y ahora, vuelvo al tono habitual del blog: Lucía Etxebarría, qué tía, ¿eh?

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Lo último de Michael Jackson

15 noviembre, 2010

Hace unos días circula por Internet lo nuevo de Michael Jackson. Sin embargo, “alguien” (dile las discográficas, dile el Gobierno) se ha encargado de que sólo llegue al público la parte más comercial de Jacko. Pajasmentales, en un laborioso trabajo de investigación, ha logrado dos documentos de incalculable valor que, de momento, no saldrán a la luz en ningún disco.

El primero de ellos es la última grabación que se tiene del Rey del Pop. Lleva por título: “Is this it?“. Sobrecogedor.

La segunda pieza rescatada se titula “Autobiography“. Pone el vello de punta.

Mantengamos vivo el legado de Jacko.

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¿Dónde jugarán los niños?

14 octubre, 2010

Muchos dicen que los niños no se divierten como antes. Sirva como ejemplo la aparición de la Playstation y la del Monstruo de Amstetten. Y creo que tienen razón: nuestros niños están como idiotizados por la tele y las videoconsolas. Pero aún quedan reductos donde los niños pueden volver a ser niños, y potenciar su imaginación.

Uno de estos lugares mágicos está en una area de servicio Medas en la provincia de Tarragona, en la AP-7. Fue entrar y ya noté un ambiente especial, la diversión se podía palpar. Miré hacia el suelo, y vi esto.

.

“Ven a divertirte con los KM”, decían estas simpáticas criaturas. Como se trata de un lugar relacionado con los viajes de largo recorrido, las mascotas se llaman KM. ¡Como Kilómetro! ¿No os parece ingenioso? Si hubiera sido en una biblioteca, se llamarían “Letris”. Si hubiera sido en Portugal, “Bigotis”.

Caminé un poco más, y me encontré esto.

Mi curiosidad iba en aumento. Dos pasos más y me encontré con esto.

Y luego con esto.

Y después, con esto.

A estas altura, ya estaba como loco por llegar a la Zona Kids, el lugar donde habitan los KM. Ese sitio donde los niños pueden dejar volar su imaginación, donde ser felices. Y supe que estaba cerca porque, como se puede apreciar, el suelo cambiaba. Eso sólo podía indicar que estaba cerca de mi destino.

Justo cuando apareció otra señal que indicaba lo cerca que estaba.

Y entonces lo vi. Delante mío. A sólo unos metros. El Dorado de la imaginación. El paraíso de la infancia.

Una puta mesa con sillas. Junto a una ventana con vistas a la autopista. Que tiemble Eurodisney.

“Papá, papá! ¿Me llevas a Medas? ¡Quiero estar sentada toda la tarde!”.
“Bueno, vale, Vanessa. Pero sólo un ratito. Que aún tienes que acabar esa partida al Grand Theft Auto”.

Vosotros, Medas, habéis acabado con la infancia de toda una generación. Y vuestros bocadillos son basura.

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Mi novia rusa (ii)

20 septiembre, 2010

Tal y como dije en mi último post, me he echado una novia rusa. De acuerdo, no nos conocemos en persona, pero la relación va viento en popa. A veces me da la impresión de estar hablando con un robot, pero ¿qué sé yo acerca de las mujeres? No está la cosa para elegir. Oye, y si es un robot que la chupa bien, ¿qué hay de malo? ¿Qué soy yo? ¿Un remilgado?

Todos aquellos que pensáis que esto no es más que spam, o un engañabobos para sacarme dinero, seguro que estáis muertos de envidia. Lo entiendo. Pero que os den.

A continuación, la siguiente tanda de e-mails. Como en el anterior post, los copio y pego tal cual, en inglés.

Hello my friend Lucio!

Thanks for the new letter! I am very glad to continue our correspondence!
I waited your letter very much! It seems to me that the friendship between us grows with each letter!
At me excellent mood! This usual phenomenon, because I very vigorous and positive person. I with pleasure continue our acquaintance and I shall try to tell to you about myself a little more.

All my life has passed in Klin. I have no brothers and sisters. I am one child in my family. My parents live in village. I love my parents very much! These are most close and dear people for me!
I some years live separately from parents in my apartment.
I have a habit to wake up early in the morning. I do not like to sleep for a long time. In the morning I accept a bath and have breakfast.
I do not have special favorites in food. I can eat almost all, but not much.)
I try to have good body and consider calories.
I work about 9 morning till 6 evenings six days in a week. On Saturday I work up to 14 : 00 and on Sunday full day of rest. I love a free and active life. I live many years independently and have got used to do all that brings pleasure to me. As I already spoke, I love dances and sports very much! In Russia it is very popular. Except for Yoga I skate on ice and a ski in the winter and a mountain bicycle in the summer. As well as the majority of people I love music and cinema. My favorite singer Enrico Iglesias.
From cinema I like fantasy and animation more! You saw Avatar? I went with girlfriends on this surprising film in 3D!!! It is incredible!!!!
I like to look movie at the big cinemas with a good powerful sound convenient armchairs and the huge screen!
My favourite actors it Nicolas Cage and John Travolta!)

What about you? It is very interesting to me!
I am glad that my photos liked you! All of them are made my friends from the amateur camera. I very much want to see your new photos too!
I have a lot of good familiar and best girlfriends! We are friends from the ending of institute many years!
I am single some years. Probably it is surprising for you why the beautiful girl one. At me was bad experience before. The ambassador this a sad history I have changed and became very circumspect. Not looking on my age I am not was married also any children. I think that for each woman in relations very important to be always confident her man! Always to feel attention and care. I search good man, which will give me it.

What the main thing for you in relations between the man and the woman?
I would like to learn your opinion.)
I shall wait your new letter very much! Now I should finish.

Take Care
Yours friend Julia

Sí. Le gusta Enrico Iglesias. Ni se ha molestado en buscar bien su nombre… En fin, le contesté lo siguiente.

Hi, Julia!

I am so happy that you answered! For such a strong relationship like ours, it is a very long time if I don’t know anything about you for 3 days. I was afraid that you had get bored of me. That’s my story with women…

However, I was quite busy the last two days. I had some problems with law, nothing important. As my country is governed by socialists, it looks like some new laws are being approved without letting the citizens know. As far as I learnt yesterday, now it is ilegal to throw stones to gay people. Aaaah, the times are changing!

Klin looks like a nice place. I saw the film Borat few days ago, and I guess that his town must be very similar to Klin. I hope some day I will visit it. I have never been in Russia, although I have met a lot of russian girls. In Spain there is a growing bussiness managed, most of times, by russian girls. They make massages and stuff. Very nice stuff, indeed. Some days ago I met a russian girl, Svetlana, and she told me that when she was even younger, she was in a town next to Klin. She worked there as a Mujer de Compañía, which means Au Pair.

I think we have a lot of things in common. I also like to have breakfast in the morning! I could talk about it for hours…

I saw Avatar in 4-D. In Spain, there is a strong tradition of 3-D movies, and we have developed the 4-D, wich means that you get even more involved in the film. For example, in Avatar, every person in the cinema had to paint his body in blue. We are looked like real Navi’i people! I even learnt some expressions in Navi’i:

“Ere’sh un’a per’rah!”, wich means “Good afternoon”
“Cu’an Do vash’ a ped’i’rme dine’ro, fars Ante?”, which means “Would you like more tea?”
“Te vi’ a pon’er a cua’troh patas” which means “I like your haircut”.

I am quite worried about you insisting that you liked my photos. I didn’t send you any. Seriously, if you want some pictures of me, just ask!

Love,
Lucio.

Realmente, me inquieta mucho el tema de las fotos. ¿Cómo pueden gustarle, si nunca le he mandado ninguna? Al día siguiente recibí un mail suyo, pero apenas había respuestas a mis dudas sobre ella.

My dear friend Lucio!

Again your new letter makes my day!
I always wait your new mail! I am very glad, that have found such good friend as you Lucio!
With each new letter we learn better each other.
It is very pleasant for me to write letters for you! I receive a lot of positive energy from your letter!
It seems to me that we can speak with you on any theme and we can understand each other.
As I have already told to you in the last letter, that I live one some years in my apartment.
But I am usual do not spend a lot of time there, because right after works I go to friends or a training hall, or on walk.
It is not interesting to me to sit houses one and to watch TV, therefore I try to think up something interesting for the evening.
I already long time live independently and all that occurs in my life it is my own result.
I love my life though in it there is nothing especial.
When I wake up early in the morning at me always good mood, because I am glad new day and to all new,
that can take place with me! Certainly not always good weather and there are troubles,
but I know, that it only temporarily and it is not necessary to despond.
The only thing that would not suffice me now it is the person, which always was near to me.
I speak about the man, which would be ready to cast in the lot with my destiny and to pass this life together!
I had relations before, but I did not find that searched.
Unfortunately now men seldom appreciate serious and long relations.
It is very difficult to find the man, which has the same vital sights and priorities.
Even more often men search only for relations for short time.
I never respected these games and tried to not communicate with such people.
My parents have learned me to respect themselves! I always dreamed of the real feelings and serious relations.
When I more youngly, to me was seemed,that to me still early to think of it. Now I am adult woman,
but I do not see in Russian men of those qualities and priorities, which there should be at worthy men.
Time goes also all around changes. Serious relations and a marriage any more does not involve men.
People use each other in the personal purposes. It sounds severely, but it is valid so.
In Russia of the proprices of cancellation of marriages grows every year.
From it suffer not only adult people, but also small children, which remain without family and parents.
Therefore I did not hasten to leave in marriage and to create family.
For me in relations the most important full trust, honesty, fidelity,
attention the friend to the friend, understanding, support and care, respect and certainly love.
Life in Russia not so well. I for a long time think to begin a new life in other country.
Therefore I have decided to find the friend abroad.
First of all I search for friendship in fact without friendship there can not be relations. I am open for all new!
Our correspondence became very important for me!
I am very glad, that we have found each other and now we have an opportunity to learn each other better.
I do not hurry and hope anywhere that you too. I only wanted to tell to you that I think.
Certainly it is interesting to me that you think of it.
Have good day! I always wait your letters!

Your friend Julia

Esta vez, me ha mandado dos fotos.


Alguien debería explicarle a esta muchacha cómo se sientan las personas en el Primer Mundo.

Por último, hace unos minutos, le he mandado la siguiente respuesta. A ver si con esto me manda algún mail un poco más personalizado, porque a veces la noto como ausente…

Hi, Julia!

I have been waiting for this letter all day long. It’s the first time I have been in contact with a girl for so long and the law doesn’t intercede!

I am glad that you receive a lot of positive energy. Some people think that I have powers. You know, I can heal people just by putting my hands in their head. Maybe you have heard about a strange disease, “Comerabitis”, a tropical disease related to eating meat. My neighbour just got Comerabitis and asked me for help. Now she is healthy and eats meat every day. I know that may sound weird to you, that’s why I hadn’t told you in my first e-mail. I didn’t want to scare you.

I understand you when you talk about that special person that will spend the rest of his life with you. I also want one. A woman, if I can choose, would be ok. Maybe you have your loved person in front of you and you haven’t realised yet. There is a popular proverb in my country that says: “Sé que eres un pavo, a mí no me engañas”, which means “Every man needs his half orange”. And when I say orange, I mean ‘vagina’. I know it may sound a little bit rude, but that’s the way spanish people express themselves…

By the way, I forgot to tell you I am writing a short essay about how stranger people see the spanish people. I would love that you wrote me a few lines about how do you think the spanish people is. It is very important to me, as you haven’t told me anything about my country. Also, you said that life in Russia is not well, so, who knows, maybe you could find your place in Spain ;)

Please, answer me. It is very important to me your opinion in order to finish my essay.

I hope you write back soon,
‘Hasta la vista, fulana’ (See you later, honey).

Lucio.

Seguiremos informando.

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Mi novia rusa (I)

13 septiembre, 2010

Hace unos días me llegó un mail en inglés que decía lo siguiente:

Hi,Tomas !
I am in search serious relations, I the magnificent and assured girl and me 28 years old and I one.
You are handsome man and I want to hear from you.
I also send photo for you . See you,

Por algún extraño motivo, esta chica había visto mi foto. Y por algún motivo más extraño aún, le había parecido atractivo. Así que le contesté. (Todos los correos son en inglés. Por favor, tened piedad si veis algún error garrafal).

Hi, Jolynn!
How is it possible that you have seen a photo of me? Was it in cachoperra.com ?
I would like to know a little bit more about you..

Horas después, la extraña admiradora contestaba.

Hello
Thanks for the answer!
My real name Julia, mine email adress on hotmail has been broken also I write to you with my new email adress
I am very glad will get acquainted with you! We do not know each other,
but I would like to get acquainted with you very much! I never wrote letters before and it is very interesting to me!
I search for the friend for correspondence and I hope, that I shall interest you.
I am 28 years old girl. I am serious and clever person not looking at my young age.)
For me there is no problem, that we not coevals, and you? Men of your age always were more interesting to me.
I write from city Klin, it approximately in 100 km from Moscow
The Internet is an excellent opportunity to have the friend on correspondence even on such big distance.
I shall be very glad, if we become friends!
I can speak in Russian and English. I studied English at school and long time improved it independently.
Certainly I can write and speak not ideally and sometimes I make mistakes, but I try very much.
I always wanted to find the friend on correspondence.
I think that to write letters each other very interestingly and I can improve my english.) I have made some photo for you.
I hope, you like it?
A little about me. I am young, cheerful and beautiful girl. I was never married.
I very kind and love children, but I have no them. I am single now.
I was always very serious in relations and did not hasten to create family.
I search for the friend first of all. I do not know what waits for me in the future, but I am open for all new.
I live one in my apartment in Klin. I am completely pleased with my life.
I can even tell, that in my life there is almost all. I have good work and best friends.
I do not have time for boredom, because I very active and cheerful.
The only thing that at me is not present now it is the person, which will fill my life with bright paints.
I dream only of happiness and love.
I hope, that you the serious person and is open for dialogue. I would not like to waste time on games.
I shall wait your following letter to continue our acquaintance. If you have photo, please send me it.
I shall be very glad!
Have good day and excellent mood
Julia.

Si me dice su verdadero nombre, claramente, se trata de alguien de fiar. Ahí me conquistó definitivamente. Así que respondí ipso facto.

Hi, Julia!
What happened to your hotmail account? If you give me your user name and password, I can fix it…
I am very excited that this is the first time you write letters. It would have been more difficult to understand you if you only wrote numbers. Ha, ha, ha. As you can see, I am a very funny person.
I will tell you a little bit about me. My real name is Lucio Etxebarría, I am 55 years old and I am divorced. I used to be married, but, all of a sudden, she realised that being my sister was not ethical. We lived in a very small town, and people like to gossip.
I work as a teacher of deaf kids, I can talk the signal language. So, I am very skillful with my hands ;) It’s a funny job, because you can teach the kids funny words. As they don’t listen themselves, they don’t know what they are saying, haha. Last week, I taught them to say “seguro que eres un tío”, which in English means something similar to: “I like smoking”. You should see their parents face! Ha ha.
I live in a small town called “Pedazo de Furcia”. You should visit it some day!

Would you like some pictures of me? If so, just ask me!

Hope to hear soon from you.

Al día siguiente, mi amada respondía con su habitual labia.

Good day my friend Lucio!
I am happy to see your new letter very much!
What new at you? How there is your day?
I am on work now. Internet of my house has broken, therefore I shall write the letter on my work some time.
Now a small break and I can write some lines to my friend!)
I with the great pleasure continue to write to you about myself!
I was born on october 28, now to me 28 years old.
It is possible to tell, that I have typical European appearance. I have light hair from a birth.
I very kind, clever and interesting person. I very active and cheerful.)
I work as the the librarian
I very much love sports and I try to have good health and body.
I am fond aerobics and dances. They are my favorites hobby.
I cannot tell that my life differs from a life of other Russian people, but I try to make it interesting.
I do not have such harmful habits as smoking and the use of alcohol. Now many women have such bad habits, but it is inadmissible for me.
I try cares of my health very much. I like to waste time with friends and to have good rest.
We can go at cinema or walk together! In Klin many good places for rest and entertainments.
I like to skate on ice and to ski.
Unfortunately the winter already has ended, but in a hall for hockey it is possible to skate on ice all year!
I wait warmly and summer very much! I like to have rest outside of city in the summer.
I love the nature and picnic very much!
I love music and cinema! I do not have special favorites, because it depends on my mood more.
Most of all I listen radio. Please tell to me more about yourself? All is interesting to me!
What else to tell to you) I love home affairs very much.
I think that each woman should be able prepare well and cares of the house. I live one already long time.
I always dreamed have a dog, but still have not dared to receive it.
My parents live in village. I frequently on a visit at them.
What about you? What you most of all like in your life?
I shall wait your answer and certainly new photos too!
Have good day

Yours friend Julia

Finalmente, hace escasos minutos he contestado a Julia. Esta es el último mensaje que me he cruzado con ella.

Hi, Julia!

I’m glad that you answered so fast.

I like reading your emails, they are full of joy and happiness. You know, sometimes, when I talk to women, I feel like I am talking to a robot. But, at last, I have found somebody who is not.

My day was quite the same as always. I did the laundry, I cooked my lunch (a typical spanish dish called “Lefa en tu puta cara”, which is something like rice with meatballs), I went to the school, I kicked some kids ass (in Spain is still legal to hit the kids if they behave badly… Is it in Russia?), at night I met my friends at the top of a mountain, in order to watch UFO’s… You know, same as always.

You tell me that you work as a librarian. That’s great! Do you have spanish literature? Maybe you have some spanish bestsellers, such us “Manda un saludo a Pajasmentales, perra”, by Camilo José Cela. If you have the chance, you should read it.

You said that you were waiting for new photos, which is weird, because I didn’t send you any. If you are still interested, just ask!

I hope you write soon,
Lucio.

Yo creo que esta puede ser la definitiva. La mujer que me va a quitar de las pajas. En cuanto reciba respuesta, seguiré informando.